The tactic library

Bad arguments dressed up as good ones. To disarm: Restate the real claim, add the missing options, or ask for the missing step.

• StrawmanThey swap your point for a weaker one and attack that.
• False dilemmaThey offer two options when more exist.
• Slippery slopeThey claim one step leads to disaster and skip the steps between.
• WhataboutismThey answer a criticism by pointing at something else.
• Circular reasoningThe conclusion is used as its own proof.
• False causeTwo things happened in order, so one is said to have caused the other.
• Hasty generalizationOne or two cases get stretched into a rule.
• BandwagonLots of people do it, so it must be right.
• Vague authorityAn impressive name or title stands in for evidence.
• Red herringThey bring up something vivid but unrelated to pull you off the point.
• Shifting the burdenThey make a claim and demand that you disprove it.
• Cherry-pickingThey show only the evidence that helps them.
• No true ScotsmanWhen a counterexample shows up, they redefine the group to exclude it.

Attacks on you, used to avoid your point. To disarm: Separate the person from the point, then return to the point.

• Ad hominemThey attack you and leave your argument alone.
• Poisoning the wellThey discredit someone before that person speaks.
• Tone policingThey object to how you said it so they can skip what you said.
• You tooThey say you've done it as well, so your point doesn't count.
• LabelingThey pin a name on you so they don't have to answer you.
• Guilt by associationThey link you or your idea to someone disliked.
• RidiculeThey laugh at the point so nobody examines it.
• Credential attackThey say you're not qualified, so your point can be ignored.
• Motive attackThey explain why you believe something and skip whether it's true.

Moves that make you doubt what you saw and heard. To disarm: Hold to the record. Refuse to debate your own experience.

• GaslightingThey insist that what you saw or heard didn't happen, until you doubt yourself.
• DARVOConfronted, they deny it, attack you, and claim to be the victim.
• Rewriting historyThey retell past events in a version that favours them.
• Moving the goalpostsYou meet the condition they set, and they set a new one.
• MinimizingThey shrink what happened so your reaction looks too big.
• Just jokingThey say something hurtful, then call it a joke when you object.
• I never said thatThey flatly deny words you both know were spoken.
• It was one timeThey treat a repeated pattern as a single accident.
• Word saladThey pour out long, tangled talk until you lose the thread.

Pressure to decide before you can think. To disarm: Slow down. A good offer survives a day.

• False urgencyA deadline is invented so you decide before you think.
• Fake scarcitySupply is made to look short so you grab it.
• Exploding offerThe offer vanishes unless you accept on the spot.
• Foot in the doorA small yes is used to pull a bigger one.
• Sunk cost pressureWhat you've already spent is used to keep you spending.
• Wearing you downThey ask again and again until no turns into fine.
• AmbushThey spring a big ask where saying no is awkward.
• Bait and switchYou agree to one deal and get handed another.

Affection, guilt and fear used as levers. To disarm: Weigh actions over words and keep your own pace.

• Love bombingIntense affection arrives very fast, before trust has had time to form.
• Guilt-trippingThey make you feel like a bad person for saying no.
• NeggingA put-down dressed as a compliment, meant to make you seek their approval.
• Future fakingBig promises about later are used to get what they want now.
• IsolationThey cut you off from friends and family a little at a time.
• Silent treatmentThey withdraw all contact to punish you until you give in.
• TriangulationThey bring in a third person to compare you with or to side against you.
• Playing the victimThey cast themselves as the injured one to dodge responsibility.
• FlatteryPraise is used to lower your guard before the ask.
• Hot and coldWarmth and coldness alternate without reason, so you keep trying to earn the warm version back.
• Reciprocity baitAn unasked-for gift or favour creates a debt they then collect.
• Emotional blackmailThey threaten harm to you, to themselves or to the relationship unless you comply.

Wording that decides the answer before you give one. To disarm: Reject the premise and restate it in your own terms.

• Loaded questionThe question carries an accusation that any answer accepts.
• Hostile reframingThey restate your position in words that make it sound worse.
• Price anchoringA high first number makes the next one look reasonable.
• Smuggled premiseA disputed claim is slipped in as settled fact.
• RelabelingAn ugly thing gets a pleasant name.
• Commitment ladderEasy yeses are stacked so the final yes feels consistent.
• Gish gallopSo many claims are fired at once that you can't answer them all.
• Just asking questionsAn accusation is posed as an innocent question.
• False compromiseThe midpoint between a fair position and an extreme one is called fair.
• ConfirmshamingThe way to say no is worded to make you feel bad.