Attacks your memory and perception
Just joking
They say something hurtful, then call it a joke when you object.
The first tell
You feel humourless. That feeling arrives before you can name the move.
What it sounds like
An uncle mocks your job at dinner. You object. He says: Relax, it's a joke.
Say back
I heard it as a dig. Please don't.
If they push
You can't take a joke.
I can. That one wasn't funny to me.
How this family is disarmed
Hold to the record. Refuse to debate your own experience.
Paid
See it in dating and at work
Context packs show this tactic in the settings where it does the most damage, and let you drill it against a timer.
Related tactics
- GaslightingThey insist that what you saw or heard didn't happen, until you doubt yourself.
- DARVOConfronted, they deny it, attack you, and claim to be the victim.
- Rewriting historyThey retell past events in a version that favours them.
- Moving the goalpostsYou meet the condition they set, and they set a new one.