Attacks your memory and perception
It was one time
They treat a repeated pattern as a single accident.
The first tell
You feel petty for keeping count. That feeling arrives before you can name the move.
What it sounds like
A friend cancels on you for the fourth time and says: It was one time. Why do you hold grudges?
Say back
This is the fourth time this year. I'm talking about the pattern.
If they push
You keep score? That's sad.
I remember things that keep happening. What changes next time?
How this family is disarmed
Hold to the record. Refuse to debate your own experience.
Paid
See it in dating and at work
Context packs show this tactic in the settings where it does the most damage, and let you drill it against a timer.
Related tactics
- GaslightingThey insist that what you saw or heard didn't happen, until you doubt yourself.
- DARVOConfronted, they deny it, attack you, and claim to be the victim.
- Rewriting historyThey retell past events in a version that favours them.
- Moving the goalpostsYou meet the condition they set, and they set a new one.