Attacks your memory and perception
Rewriting history
They retell past events in a version that favours them.
The first tell
You feel unsure of the timeline. That feeling arrives before you can name the move.
What it sounds like
A relative who skipped your graduation now says: I offered to come and you told me not to.
Say back
That's not how it went, and I'm not going to pretend it was.
If they push
You've always remembered things wrong.
I have the messages from that week. I'm happy to look at them together.
How this family is disarmed
Hold to the record. Refuse to debate your own experience.
Paid
See it in dating and at work
Context packs show this tactic in the settings where it does the most damage, and let you drill it against a timer.
Related tactics
- GaslightingThey insist that what you saw or heard didn't happen, until you doubt yourself.
- DARVOConfronted, they deny it, attack you, and claim to be the victim.
- Moving the goalpostsYou meet the condition they set, and they set a new one.
- MinimizingThey shrink what happened so your reaction looks too big.